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Anna, a.k.a. Evelyn's Mom

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November 11, 2019

I had my first depressive episode when I was twelve.

It was fresh on the heels of two early back-to-back traumas. Moving for the first time in my life, which threw me completely off balance and into the deep end of self-consciousness and anxiety as I tried to navigate a...

October 21, 2019

The subject of this post was requested by a friend and fellow grieving mother. If ever you would like to see me cover a subject on the blog that I otherwise haven't, please feel free to email me your requests. I cannot always promise that it will happen, or that I will...

September 16, 2019

They say life imitates art. 

I sincerely hope that isn't true. 

When my 18-year-old daughter unexpectedly died in her sleep two months after I signed my first solid book deal for a novel about a family that lost a child, that is exactly what I was afraid of. 

Which b...

July 2, 2019

There's a phenomenon I've witnessed as a grieving mother that I only know to describe as grief hijacking, though I imagine this may happen to people experiencing any variety of suffering, and in another case may just as easily be referred to as pain hijacking. It can m...

February 12, 2019

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When trauma and loss collide, such as in the unexpected death

of your healthy child, such as in the finding of their lifeless body, such as in the utter implosion of your life and being, PTSD is the natural outcome. But nothing about livi...

December 10, 2018

One loss does not prepare you for another.

My father passed away last week. He was 77 years old. He had a pacemaker, a bevy of bad habits, and an assortment of health issues. And none of that made his loss any less surprising when it finally came. 

Since losing Ev,...

November 16, 2018

I live in another woman's house.

I drive another woman's car. I wear her clothes and sleep in her bed. Sometimes, I stand in her closet and finger her jewelry and think things like, Why so many necklaces? and Where could she possibly have worn all these? I go to her job...

October 3, 2018

I can recall with perfect clarity the exact moment when I first realized I wanted to die.

It was four weeks to the day after our daughter had passed. It was also our 20th wedding anniversary—a fact that was totally lost on me until late in the afternoon when it came dri...

September 17, 2018

Every day, I make accommodations for this grief. Every. Single. Day. Without exception.

On a "good" day, that might look like excusing myself to the bathroom at work where I can cry in private, if only for a few minutes, until I can get the emotions under control again....

August 28, 2018

A year has passed since we lost Ev. Well, for everyone else anyway. For myself, this has been one, long, agonizing moment. 

The dictionary defines "progress" as a forward or onward movement toward a destination.

I don't have a destination, unless you count death. Death i...

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