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Anna, a.k.a. Evelyn's Mom

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November 11, 2019

I had my first depressive episode when I was twelve.

It was fresh on the heels of two early back-to-back traumas. Moving for the first time in my life, which threw me completely off balance and into the deep end of self-consciousness and anxiety as I tried to navigate a...

November 16, 2018

I live in another woman's house.

I drive another woman's car. I wear her clothes and sleep in her bed. Sometimes, I stand in her closet and finger her jewelry and think things like, Why so many necklaces? and Where could she possibly have worn all these? I go to her job...

March 14, 2018

I have spent the last two days trying not to die. That's not exaggerating or overstating it. I am not being melodramatic. It's not a metaphor. It is simply the truth ... my truth.

Her birthday was last week. I braced myself for the worst. I tied my muscles in knots...

February 22, 2018

Death comes at a steep price. This grief has cost me much. My heart. My soul. Or at least a large chunk of each. My family as they were, as we were. Myself as I knew myself to be. My career in whole or in part—that still remains to be seen. My entire cosmology of belie...

January 4, 2018

When I lost my daughter, I lost myself. 

I can recall the exact moment of what I call "the split". It was in the second after I turned her over and saw her face and realized with no shadow of doubt, and no hope of error, that she was gone. In that moment, I distinctly r...

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